Sour Patch Chillerz are an absolute disgrace to the Sour Patch Brand. Sour Patch Kids have been my favorite candy since I can remember. Right down to that last grain of bitter sugar in the corner of the bag, I can never get enough. It didn't even matter to me that after eating a huge bag my mouth was so cut up and my taste buds didn't work for a week, It was always well worth it. So about a year ago, I see this new Sour patch product. I am skeptical as always, but i try them out because I like to practice brand loyalty. Well after eating two or so, I puked a little in my mouth, and was thrown into a violent rage. I began looting stores and burning cars. I felt like I had been abandoned by my oldest friend. After I destroyed an entire city, I became sad, almost to the point of tears, but I didn't cry because 1. It is physically impossible for me to cry and 2. Crying is for the birds. I can't even imagine how this idea even made it to the production line, nevermind putting this disgrace on shelves for the public to consume. I would imagine it went something like this...
(Board of directors meeting)
CEO: "Those Harry Potter Jelly Beans that taste like dirt, boogers, and worms, are killing us in sales, what kind of disgusting product can we make to keep up with this growing demand?"
Corporate Yes Man: "One time my son drank a glass of lemonade right after brushing his teeth and he decided to eat sand to get the taste out of his mouth"
CEO: "Perfect!!! So its even worse than dirt, this is going to make us all billionaires. Lets call them Sour Patch Chillers, but we'll put a Z at the end to make it Chillerz, because thats what all the kids are crazy about these days right?"
Or something like that. Anyways to make a long story short, if you've ever had the craving for listerine and lemon peels, Sour Patch Chillerz are for you.
Grade: Just Terrible
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